Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
