Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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