where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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