they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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