I haven't been this sober since birth.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
