Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
