The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
