suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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