Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
