Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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