She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You are the jesus of drinking
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
