I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's the barista slut.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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