just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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