trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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