Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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