look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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