My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
