You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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