I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
