walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
