i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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