So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just pee around me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
