How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
