YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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