I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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