yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
