I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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