covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
