All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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