he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
