So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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