her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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