Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
