So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
