ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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