dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
