her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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