he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
