i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
