i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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