barbara walters just said penis...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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