I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
