Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
