just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think my mom watched the whole time
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
