we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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