had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
