he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
