hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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