I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
