when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
nutella sex= disaster
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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