My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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